16w 4d, and 1 week until Christmas Eve!

I'm a day late this week, I took a sick day yesterday because I woke up feeling pretty nasty. Stomach was off a little and just really tired. I had a great 4 hour 'nap' with my kitty, and felt a million times better when I woke up this morning. It's amazing what a single day can do for you. I mean I probably could have come in yesterday but I would have been pretty much useless for the rest of the week, this way I feel re energized and hope to be very productive for the rest of the week.

One of the funny discoveries this week was a new bra size! lol Now I have to preface this by saying that I was a VERY flat chested person for a very long time. I probably could have went all the way through high school without wearing one. I went to university as a 32AA (that would be an 'almost a'), and it wasn't until the summer before my 3rd year that I finally made it to 32B. So I've had a hard time excepting that I'm not a small chested person anymore, as over the past few years I've slowly crept all the way up to a C. Not suprisingly, over the past couple of months even those bra's were starting to get tight. So this weekend I had to make a purchase I never thought I would make, 36D! lol It is really funny to tell you the truth, and these new couple of bras I've bought are amazingly comfortable!

I still have quite a bit of shopping to do, and am thinking of using banked time on Monday and Tuesday so that I can hit the stores while they aren't too busy. But we did get our tree up (much to our kitty's delight), and I am feeling in the holiday spirit. I'm really excited to go home next week and see all the family and my friends. Also just really excited to have some time off to just enjoy things.

First prenatal class

So we survived our first prenatal class. This was just kind of a general intro class, we'll continue with the other ones in March/April. It was cool to be in a room with other couples who are all around the same stage as us, it was funny to exchange stories etc. The funniest thing was when they split the husbands/wives up and had us answer some questions separately, the men just loved that.

My favorite part of the class was when they passed around little life like models of the fetus at different stages. I can't believe how big our baby is already, crazy! They were even weighted the same and everything, too bad I couldn't have one of those at home.

Greg did pretty well, he was a little distracted at times, but he made up for it on the drive home. We were discussing whether or not we should change the night of our classes so that we could be with friends of ours. I said that I thought he would want to be in a class with his friend, he responded with "I'm not having a baby with him". I thought that was pretty sweet. For all the times he pisses me off, he always comes back with something like that.

Oh, one more thing. We started trying to come up with names this week. So we both made lists, 20 boys, and 20 girls each, then exchanged lists. Not a single name matched up! This is going to be difficult!

2 weeks from today is Christmas Day!!

2 Weeks until Christmas!

Another week has really flown by. It's amazing how when I started this blog it seemed like it took forever for just one week to go by, now it seems like I'm constantly updating. I'm really going to try and stick to the once a week entry though (we'll see how that works over the holidays!), because I'm not keeping a written journal, which is something I normally do, so when all of this is over I'll want to print this out so I can have a copy to keep.

So this past week included a visit to the Dr. . I went by myself this week, and everything went pretty normally, pee in a cup, weighed myself (up 2 lbs from starting weight). Then I asked her about the increased heart rate/light headiness. She said it was completely normal and just due to the increased blood volume in the body. I will just have to take it easy when changing positions, and also making sure to keep up good nutrition (gotta work on that!) When she checked my blood pressure it was low (104) so she said that was part of the problem as well. We heard babies heart beat, very strong and easy to find, it was 140bpm, such a great sound! She also asked me whether or not I had signed up for pre natal classes, which I hadn't, but I did yesterday. We'll have one class now (tomorrow night) and then the other 6 classes will be in March and April. She also asked if I had thought about my birth plan...uh no, was I supposed to? Guess I should do a little more reading!

Also did some shopping last week, okay quite a bit, and not of the Christmas variety. I have felt so much better being in comfy clothes for the past week, makes life much easier. Although from this weeks picture I don't think I grew that much, in the evenings it sure if nice to not be sitting here with my pants unbuttoned!

Getting very excited for Christmas vacation. I've been thinking about it and I think I'm going to take a full two weeks off. It will give me a chance to get a lot more done around that house, that I'm sure will get a lot more difficult as the months go by, and it will just be a really nice break. There will be some friends around who I will want to visit with, and it will give me a chance to get my hair cut an other things that always get put to the side this time of year.

Very excited to be able to say I'm 4 months pg after this weekend, but crazy as well, where has the time gone? Speaking of time, I have got to get going on the Christmas shopping!

15w 3d

14w3d

So I guess this day has become my traditional belly pic/update day. Seems to be working out so I think I'll stick to it! I can't believe my bare belly pic! lol The clothed one is the way I feel I look, I really didn't think there was that much growth going on, I mean I know my clothes are tighter, but yikes!

I did actually suck it up and went to buy some clothes last night. I got a few pairs of pants, some long sleeve t's and a sweater. I actually ordered some things from ebay over the past week as well, but I honestly couldn't wait any longer. I was getting sick of walking out of the house feeling like I looked so gross. The shirt I'm wearing in the picture is actually a shirt from Thyme, a now and after shirt, so it will give me some room as the time goes on. One issue was the length of pants. I did find a pair of dress pants at Thyme that I'll be able to wear with heels but everything else is pointing towards flats for the next 6 months or so.

I got a lovely surprise this morning. After feeling great for the past couple of weeks, I had to run out of bed to throw up this morning. No idea where that came from, just a friendly reminder that things are still moving along down there I guess. I actually have my next appointment on Thursday, hopefully hear the heart beat again, otherwise just a regular check up. I have a few things to check in on, like the light headed/racing heart thing I've been getting every once in a while. As well as a (literal) pain in my butt. Thinking I'm going to have to check out a massage therapist to get that looked at. According to my home scale I'm up 1lb, so we'll see what her scale says.

That about sums things up I think. I'll likely have a quick update after my appointment on Thursday. Can't believe it's only 3 weeks until Christmas! woohoo!

14w3d

13w3d

So they say this is the real end of the first tri, guess how I celebrated? Dry heaving while trying to floss. I know, that was pretty risky even trying, but I had a piece of popcorn stuck and I really needed too. Well I paid for it, lesson learned. I was also planning on making a dentist appointment for some day soon. But I figure if I can't handle my own hands in my mouth how will I handle someone elses? Better delay that one until a little later.

Another test for myself today, I'm going to run a high school volleyball practice. The school I helped out at last year made it to provincial finals and they've asked me to come in and work on a few things with the girls. Normally this would be a piece of cake for me, but since I am out of breath from walking up the stairs this morning it could be interesting. I'm just going to have to make sure I get some good food into me all day today and drink lots of water. Hopefully things will go well. I'm so excited for these girls and really want to help in any way I can, just hope I don't pass out while trying to help!

Had some crazy snow here on the weekend. I don't mind it too much right now because it's really pretty, and it's going to get warm and rain here the rest of the week so it will probably all be gone pretty soon anyway. We had fun out shoveling Saturday morning, it felt good to be outside and doing something active. Other than that we were pretty lazy all weekend. We did go to see the new Bond movie which was pretty good (the popcorn was the part I liked the best!) Oh and we did curl Friday night, I guess that's being active too. I'm not sure how long I'm going to be able to do that, hopefully a little ways through the winter anyway, we'll see how it goes. But we do have someone to take over my spot so that's a good thing.

So my plan to tell work at our meeting today fell through, meeting got canceled. Guess I'm just going to have to blurt it out. The pants are just getting so tight now, someone is going to say something soon anyway I'm sure. Plus I ordered some clothes off ebay! So I want to be able to start wearing some mat clothes soon, pants at least.

That's it, good bye first tri, and bloat and puking (hopefully), hello baby belly and elastic waist pants! lol

13w 3d

Quick Update...and 12 week belly pic

I really can't believe I am at 12 weeks already, time is absolutely flying. Big changes this week are the limited number of pairs of paints that I can wear. I dug out a pair of linen draw string pants...heaven. But other than that I just have a few pairs of low rise pants that I can wear without leaving them unbuttoned all day. I do get a mileage check this week so I think I may have to suck it up and go buy a couple pairs of comfy pants. I plan on telling work next week, so after that I won't be too worried about wearing the mat pants to work.

Feeling pretty good. Think my weight is starting to creep up. It's hard to tell since my weight fluctuates so much normally anyway. I guess I'll just go by what the Dr.'s scale says. Only got sick once last week, and besides a little gagging I've been feeling pretty good. Actually able to stay up until 10pm again! Woohoo! Greg has been going to bed before me some nights.

Another success in our house is that Greg finished painting the basement! So exciting, and he moved the furniture around so that it seems like we have a ton more space! I know it's early to worry about it, but we had no floor room before (huge coffee table and sectional), and I was wondering where we would let baby play on the floor, well I don't think that's what he was thinking about, but it looks great.

So here is the first photo evidence that somethings going on in there! To be honest, I think it's just my normal little pooch (that I've had FOREVER!) getting pushed out a little bit, but it's a start. I'm sure I'll be very happy to get back to that pooch someday.

And...37 days 'til Christmas! So exciting!

12w3d

1st Tri coming to an end!

So I'm really late with this weeks entry. Also, based on the fact that Wednesday I sat with my pants unbuttoned all day I think it's probably time for a new belly picture, before I change too much. I was home visiting with my parents last weekend, and because I had Tuesday off I took Monday off to have an extra long weekend. I did a lot of sleeping and good eating, and felt really great by the time I came back home on Tuesday afternoon. Too bad it all went out the window when I sat back down in front of my computer at work on Wednesday. I swear, I hadn't felt nauseous all weekend but and hour or so into the day I felt horrible, and then I ended up getting sick when I got home that evening. I think baby is trying to tell me she really doesn't like working! I agree.

While I was home, I got to go get a pedicure with one of my girlfriends who is a new mommy herself...so nice to get to catch up. I also visited with my brother and SIL and my gorgeous nephew, who is just growing like a weed! Plus I visited with my best friend who was due in 2.5 weeks, however, Tuesday night after I left she went into labor and had her beautiful baby girl, Eve Elizabeth that night! I spoke with her last night from her hospital room, and even though she's only had 1 hour sleep in the last 3 days she sounds like she is doing great and is very excited to get home with her big boy Luke (he'll be 3 in January). Unfortunately I won't get to go home to see them until Christmas time. But I'm very excited to go get some baby girl things to send home to them ASAP!

So nothing else too exciting. I'm definitely getting some energy back, Greg actually went to bed before I did last night! That hasn't happened in a long time. Excited for the weekend to start. I have lots to do around the house, but just looking forward to spending time with friends and getting some more good sleeps in. I have choir at church on Sunday ( I play flute...I know I'm a dork!) and both me and my friend who is the director of the choir are going to announce that we are expecting, the ladies are going to be so excited! And I guess starting next week I'll be sending out some more notes to people letting them know the news. I have a staff meeting Nov. 25, so I think I'll wait until then to tell everyone at the office. My boss already knows but I'd like to tell my department face to face. I'm sure they will take care of spreading the news.

That's about it for this week, overall, feeling much better. Weight according to my home scale is still +/- 0. Thinking about buying some maternity stuff, but dealing okay with some elastics and long shirts (maybe catching up on some laundry would help this too!)

11w6d - Baby is the size of an adult Playmobile toy...so cute!

We have a heartbeat!!

I was so nervous as we got ready to go to the Dr. yesterday. I planned for a late in the day appointment so i wouldn't miss too much work, but it ended up making the day sooo long! Luckily I had to travel for work so I got to go home for lunch and met up with Greg there. My Dr. once again was fantastic and layed back and ready to answer any questions. We did the pee in a cup and blood pressure and weight, and then she gave us the pre doppler warning. Don't be surprised if we don't hear anything, it's still early. But it only took a few seconds to find it. I started laughing so we lost it, but she found it a couple more times. The coolest was when she had both mine and the babies at the same time, crazy.

So Greg had a big smile on his face and all I could do was let out a big sigh of relief. I know I had no real reason to be nervous, but I just didn't want to have my hopes up too high, I can't imagine how hard it would be to get the bad news.

So I haven't thrown up in over a week (once again, 'knock on wood'). There have been lots of times when I thought I would have, or could have, but held off. I'm eating pretty normally again. I find I'm starving in the mornings, but can't quite find something filling that I want to eat before I go to bed. According to the Dr. scale, I'm down 4 lbs from my first appointment, I'm sure that will turn around any time now. My bloat isn't as bad so most of my pants are still pretty comfortable. I haven't looked into any mat clothes yet, and hopefully won't have to for a while. I've pulled out the elastic on a few occasions but that's about it.

So doing pretty well, trying to eat healthy, and I really need to get my butt in gear with some exercise. I've given up on volleyball, I just don't have the energy. Curling is still fun, but not much of a work out. I have a gym membership so I'm thinking even some time on the elliptical or something will be a start. Hopefully soon!

10w3d - Our little heart beating wonder is the size of a hummingbird! How cute?

Happy Halloween!

Ella and I had a fun time carving our pumpkin last night so I had to post some of her pictures. She thought it was fun to try and get the knife as it poked in and out of the pumpkin! Silly kitty.

Where did October go?

I really can't believe how quickly time is flying by. Maybe it's because I'm only actually awake for 12 hours a day (still sleeping pretty early each night), but this month has really flown by. We had a busy weekend, but it actually went pretty well. We took off Friday afternoon and headed to one of Greg's friend's places about 2 hours away. I actually started crying as we pulled up to their house because I didn't feel great and really didn't want to be puking in someone elses house. I know, pathetic, but I was just feeling tired and overwhelmed. I made it through that night and we had a nice brunch with them in the morning before we took off for a wedding, about another 1.5 hours away.

We pulled into the hotel just in time to get ready and head to the church. It was the quickest Catholic ceremony I've ever been to. Under a half hour, with communion, it was kind of crazy. We went over to a friends' place before the reception and got some great news. Friends of ours, who actually live about 2 minutes from us, are due 9 days before me! It shocked both Greg and I and neither of us said anything. I wasn't planning on telling anyone that weekend, and we didn't want to 'steal the thunder' as they say, but I can't wait to tell them. It's going to be so amazing to have someone to go through all of this with.

The dinner was nice, but the dance was pretty quiet, we ended up heading back to the hotel around 12 and had an amazing sleep, gotta love hotel beds. In the morning I actually did tell one of my best friends the news, I knew that she already knew, but had to make it official. Her husband is leaving for two months so I wanted to tell him before he left.

So, you will notice, there is no stories of puking in this whole weekend! Woohoo! I did actually make it through, which was fantastic. I did throw up at lunch time on Friday (yay for my nature walk trail), but that was it for the weekend. The new problem wasn't what was coming out, it was what wasn't coming out. I think I may have dealt with constipation 1 or 2 times in my whole life, and nothing like this! Now I've been going hard core for fruits and veggies, and drinking hot water and lemon like it's going out of style. Seems so be helping, but now I'm just wondering what's next? Seems like it just flows one thing into the next.

The big thing I'm hoping for is to get some energy back. Still pretty tired most of the time. Eating has been fairly good, gained 1 lb back, so -4lbs now. Our next appointment, where we'll try and hear the heart beat with the doppler is going to be early next week, very excited for that. I don't think DH actually believes this is really happening sometimes, and hopefully that will help.

9w3d - Our cute little kumquat!

Feeling human...

I hate to actually put this in writing, because I know it can change in an instance, but I actually felt somewhat human this morning. I'll probably end up throwing up by the time I finish writing this entry, but I figured I should probably write about the positives along with the negatives. This past weekend was pretty good. We went curling Friday night, which was okay, I puked pretty bad before we left, so I was kind of light headed most of the time, but DH went and got me some water which helped, and we didn't stick around too long after, which is good, because I went home and puked for another while before going to bed.

Saturday we took things pretty easy, seeing as my car was in the shop I didn't have the chance to do a whole lot. You gotta love going to bed at 8:30 on a Saturday night! lol Sunday went to church, and then went to drop off a birthday present to our niece. They were on their way out to another birthday party so we went over to our friends' house and I went to a movie with my girlfriend while DH stayed and watched some football. (my God that popcorn was good!)
I didn't play volleyball Sunday night, or last night. I just don't think I have the energy to play for 2 hours straight right now. And if I have to throw up in the middle of a game, it just wouldn't be pretty. So I've booked off last weekend and the one coming up. I'll see how I feel after this weekend, and if I'm up to it I'll go back and play a couple more weeks before I tell everyone that I'm going to be out for the rest of the year.

Still pretty tired, bed between 8-9, although I do feel a little more rested in the mornings. Throwing up has become an every other day thing, more than an everyday thing, and I have been able to eat supper. God bless DH for making dinner for me, last night was soooo good! Haven't been as nauseous at work, but still have my moments. Clothes seem to be fitting okay, I've pulled out the old elastic a couple of afternoons, but the bloating seems to be a little more under control now. Weight? According to my scale at home I'm -5lbs, although I'm not puking as much I just don't seem to be able to eat as big portions anymore, now that I'm feeling a little better (knock on wood) I'm going to have to focus on getting some better quality food into me instead of just whatever works.

8w3d - Little one is the size of a wedding ring, that's a lot of growing!

So that's a month

So 4 weeks ago today I found out I was pregnant, time really does fly, although watching the days go by it seems like time is sometimes standing still. Last week was a challenge, and I'm not gonna lie, it's by no means a walk in the park right now, but it is a little better. Big things that have helped?

1.Amazing DH! He has been so much help. Earlier this year when I had some issues with anxiety he just didn't get it, it actually made me worried that he wouldn't be that great during this time. But I think this time, because pregnancy is such a tangible thing for him he's really able to 'get me'. He has cleaned up my puke (huge deal for him), cooks for me, and the best thing, just stayed home with me all weekend, not pressuring me to do anything, while I rested.

2. Support from my mom. This goes without saying, but she has been great and I don't know what I would do without her.

3. My skills for dealing with anxiety. I know everything happens for a reason, and as horrible as things were for me in the spring, I know they were just preparing me for this next 'battle' in my life. Having the option of visiting my psychologist who I have a great relationship is nice and gives me a place to express my fears without feeling judged.

4. Telling my boss. Just did this yesterday, but it's like a weight has been lifted and I don't have to try and pretend now, and can ask for help when I need it.

Not eating anywhere near a regular diet, but trying to eat as much as possible, without getting sick/bloated, while eating regularly so I don't end up starving/nauseous. Quite the balancing act. No pics this week, don't think that will be necessary for a while, regular pants still fitting quite well thankfully. Just keep on surviving, 1 day, 1 hour, 1 moment at a time.

7w4d - Little one will be the size of a kidney bean this week.

Here we go...

So my fears have been realized, m/s has arrived. I went to my first official pre natal visit on Monday. Had all the details taken care of, lots of questions, pee in a cup, weight and all that stuff. She said, don't suffer, there are things we have to help with m/s. I thought to myself, nice to know, but am not going to worry about it too much. Well if I had of had an appointment 20 minutes later I may have been asking for the stuff!
When I got home I ate okay, but felt pretty crappy the rest of the night. Then I didn't sleep at all that night, just really anxious and fidgety. So I took the day off on Tuesday, which looking back may not have been the best idea. I cried and panicked most of the morning, and then slept through the whole afternoon. I did my best to get cleaned up and get dinner ready for when DH arrived home. When I tried to eat the pasta I had made for supper I threw up all over the coffee table, I didn't even have time to stand up. God bless DH who cleaned it up while I was dry heaving upstairs in the bathroom. That just sent me into a tailspin and I was panicky and sick the rest of the night.
I was planning on waiting until this weekend to tell my parents, but I needed to talk to someone so I called my mom and filled her in on the details. It didn't really help me all that much, but I agreed that I would go to work yesterday regardless, which I did, even though I didn't sleep at all. I actually woke up shaking, DH grabbed on to me and wouldn't let me go even though I struggled, until I stopped and calmed down. He's been amazing.
So yesterday I got some great advice from ladies on the nest, went for a walk at lunch time, and then had a mid afternoon meeting which meant I could go home a little early. So I survived the day. I went home and tried to lay down, ended up running back upstairs to throw up, and then slept for 45 minutes before DH got home. I had some cup a soup for supper (so exciting) and just took it easy for the rest of the night.
Sleep was much better, but I still felt pretty sketchy this morning. I'm currently trying to calm my stomach with multigrain cheerios and water, and praying that I make it though another day. I'll probably contact the Dr. if the puking continues tonight. I've already lost a few pounds this week and don't want to see that continue.

Exhausted, starving, spinning...so much fun 6w4d

6 Weeks

Ahh...my little bloat baby...lol This is morning bloat, you don't even want to know what I look like by 6pm!

Sick, or just scared?

So I'm not sure if I'm actually dealing with m/s, or if I'm just scared of dealing with morning sickness. I know I'm tired, I've been going to bed at 8:30 most nights and am out cold before my head hits the pillow. This is very strange for me. I usually go to bed and spend at least 1 hour trying to get to sleep, no matter how tired I am. But with the sickness I feel like I'm constantly just waiting to see what happens. Anyway, so far I have not actually gotten sick, but I'm often feeling a little off.

I have continued to play volleyball, I actually played in a full day tournament on Saturday. I felt a little sketchy at some points, but I think a lot of it has to do with what I'm eating. I'm trying to eat healthy, but if I eat too much I get really bloated ( which this weekend I discovered does not go well with my spandex volleyball shorts...ouch!), so I end up not eating enough and then getting light headed, not good. Last night at my regular league game I felt like crap most of the night, it sucked. Plus when I found out two other girls are still playing and are passed 3 months already it made me feel like I should just suck it up. But if I keep feeling the way I did last night I don't think I'll be playing that long. We'll see.

DH is really starting to 'get' things. When I didn't feel like eating the other night, he asked if I wanted him to make me soup. And I get some extra pats on the back or hugs and kisses that I wouldn't normally get, so it's nice to know he's catching on. I already told my best friend (the only person I've told IRL), so he told his best friend on Friday, and I think that made him a little more excited.

I'm started to freak out about the cost of this whole deal. I'll be taking the full year off once the baby is born (yay Canada!), and we basically get the equivalent of what you would get if you were on unemployment, I think it works out to about 60% of your wages (up to a certain cap). Although that is fantastic, and I'm very grateful for it, I'm still nervous as right now there isn't a lot of money left at the end of each month. I think we are going to set up an appointment with an accountant this month to straighten things out, and hopefully that will but my mind at ease a bit.

So that's about it. I'm heading for my first 'prenatal' visit today. She said it would take about 1/2 hour, not sure what we'll be doing for that long, but I'll report on the later.

6w2d - By the end of this week the little one will be the size of a blueberry!

Holding my breath

So I have this sensation of just waiting, I know that if m/s is going to come there is nothing I can do about it, but every time I smell something gross, or eat something different I half gag and wonder if that's a normal gag or a m/s gag. One of my main concerns is that I have had issues with anxiety in the past, and my anxiety comes along with lovely nausea. So I don't know if I'm just nervous/anxious, and that's causing me to be nauseous or if I actually am. I know I'm over thinking this, but that's me.

As for how I'm actually doing, things seem to be okay. I had my first appointment with my Dr. last week, as always she was great, asked if i had any questions. I checked on playing volleyball which she said was fine as long as i was up for it. So I'll continue with that until I just don't feel comfortable anymore (aiming for mid November at least) Then she told me that I can come back in for a 1/2 hour appointment sometime over the next couple of weeks (note to self, make that appointment) and then in the 10th week I can come in to see if we can hear the heart beat! Crazy, that just made it all seem a lot more real.

I promised myself I was going to be good with taking belly pics, I think right now I'm in denial that I need to take a 'before' picture yet. But I should probably get on that pretty soon before baby bloat takes over. Right now it's only bad in the evenings, which is good because I can put my pj's on and not cut off circulation like some of my pants do!

5w2d - Baby would fit into one frame of and 8mm film strip

Our little secret

So I survived my first weekend without too much worry. I was a little stressed last night playing volleyball, I know everyone has been told that they can play until 2nd trimester, some Dr.'s have even told girls they can play until they are showing, but I was still nervous.

Another source of stress is that DH has left for work for the week, so it's just me and Ella holding down the fort. I didn't do a lot all weekend, we hung around the house so DH could get all his laundry and everything done for his trip on Saturday. Then Sunday he left at 4:30am so that threw me off a little bit. I got up and went to church, did some laundry and went to get some groceries, then I had volleyball last night. I guess I"m probably going to have to tell people a little earlier than I thought since I'll have to back out of volleyball, and my team will need to find someone to replace me. Once I talk to my Dr. this week I'll figure out exactly how long I should be playing.

Symptoms so far? Well, I was better yesterday, but Fri/Sat I had the worst bloat, I had to massage my stomach for a while when I went to bed because it hurt so bad. I'm thinking doing some yoga may help with that so I'm going to check out the classes at my gym this week and see when I can go. Other than that I haven't felt anything else yet, which I'm grateful for.

My parents are going to come visit this weekend so I think we'll probably tell them then, although if I'm still feeling well I may wait a little longer. I kind of like having it as a secret between DH and I, and although I will tell them to keep it a secret from the rest of the family I'm not quite sure how that will work.

Feeling great today, hope this keeps up!

4w2d - Little one is the size of a cucumber seed

Wow! BFP!

After having the early m/c last month, I really didn't think it would happen this quickly, but I'm so happy that it did. We are Pregnant! Wow, that is crazy to even think, let alone put down in writing.

I promised myself I wouldn't test yesterday unless my temp went up, it stayed the same. So when I got up I didn't test. But I had a job interview yesterday morning, so I went to that, and when I got home I couldn't stop thinking about it, so I tested and got a +. I didn't really believe it and didn't tell anyone, even DH, went to work, and lurked here, but couldn't even bring myself to post.

I got home late last night after work and went to take a CBE, and it was confirmed. We are really excited but nervous/cautious because of last time. Now we are just hoping and praying that this is a sticky baby.

3w5d-Apparently the little one is smaller than a grain of rice.

Once again...we wait

So the blood work came back normal and there's no need to delay anything. Which is good, since we had some pretty good timing this month already. And here we sit again in the 2WW. I just found out the DH is going to have to start scheduling his travel for work soon, so I am going to stay very positive about the cycle. If we are pg this time we won't have to worry about his travel throwing things off in the future.

No phantom symptoms really. I think the fact that last month I had no symptoms, probably because I wasn't looking for them (we had terrible timing) and that resulted in a BFP, so hopefully that will keep me from reading into things too much.

I'm excited that it's the fall so I'll be getting back into my regular activities. Volleyball starts this weekend with a tournament as well as my regular league on Sunday night. Hopefully I won't be participating in that much longer, but we'll see how it goes. And tonight is our second night of our 'Learn to Curl' session. We signed up for a co ed curling league with another couple and are taking some lessons now so that we are ready to go. It's going to be hilarious!

That's all, nothing too exciting. Just looking forward to trying to avoid that stockpile of HPT under my sink...I will not test early....I will not test early....

Not too early anyway!

Ready to move forward

So the week wasn't all that bad, having a long weekend in there made things a little easier too. Last week I just went about life as normal and then did my best to stay positive. I did find myself getting a little low every once in a while, but was able to pull myself out of it. We had a pretty great weekend. A wedding for DH's cousin on Saturday, but other than that we did a whole lot of nothing. I went to visit my sister's new place and went to see Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants last night. Yes, I'm a dork and have read all the books so I was really looking forward to seeing it. It was cute, and just what I needed, something mindless.

So I went to talk to my GP today, and she was great, very comforting and not at all cold about my whole situation. I think I've actually been trying to down play the whole thing. I've only talked to one other person IRL about the situation, and was really trying to avoid using the 'm' word. When she used it this morning, it kind of hit me that I haven't been using it at all, but that's what happened. It was a miscarriage, there I said it. I had to go have blood taken afterwords, hopefully the hcg levels have already returned to normal, I'm assuming from my chart that they have, as everything seems to be progressing as usual, but better safe than sorry I guess.

So, now I think I've accepted it a bit more, I have considered that I should probably talk to more people about it, but I feel that DH has been a good support and is open to talking about things, so it's not like I have no one to turn to. So for right now, sitting at CD11, and hoping to O this week, things are okay. I'm trying not to get my hopes up too high, chances of getting another BFP this month are probably slim to none. But, there's no reason it couldn't be the one for us either. So a positive attitude can't hurt.

A very long weekend.

So I took off here Thursday night for a long weekend, but I really had no idea. DH left town Thursday because he was the best man in a wedding. I decided to stay home until Friday morning. Since AF was now a day late, and I had no AF symptoms whatsoever, I decided to go buy a pack of FRER.

I got home Thursday night, and tested...2 lines! I was so excited, and had no one to talk to except my cat...lol. I didn't want to tell DH until I could see him face to face, and I didn't even want to come on here because I wanted him to be the first to know. I tested again in the morning, 2 lines again, and off I went, as happy as I could possibly be. I spent the day with my SIL, we were at the beach for a while and then headed to where the wedding was.

It was 5pm by the time I got to tell DH. I don't think I will ever forget the smile on his face, he was so happy, and couldn't stop smiling and kissing me.

Before going to bed I noticed a little spotting but tried not to overreact because lots of people say they have spotting, but when I woke up in the middle of the night with cramps I knew somthing was up. I laid there all curled up just praying that I was wrong. I waited as long as I could to get up, but when I did I discovered that AF was there in full force.

I told DH what was going on, and asked if we could just go for a drive. We were staying in a hotel with all of our friends and DH's family. We drove for an hour in the middle of nowhere while I tried to stop crying. It was the wedding day, so I just had to try and act as normal as possible. DH was amazing, and spent the evening trying to keep my spirits up.

I'm doing okay now. The whole thing just makes me realize how badly we both want a child in our world. I know our time will come.

Time for an update!

It has been far too long since I've posted, so I guess it's about time. The weekend camping adventure didn't go so well...it rained...a lot!
Here the girls were spending some more time in our little make-shift shelter. Friday night was okay and we got to have the fire going. Then Saturday the rain started...yuck! We went to town for the afternoon and got back to lots more rain. The boys were determined to get a fire going, and we all played dominos/cards under the shelter. Sunday we went for breakfast where DH's sister cooks, and while we were there we found out that everyone had packed up and was heading home. So we left the tent there for the night and stayed with my parents. We went back out in the morning to pack up and I dropped DH off at the ferry to head home, and my week of vacation started.

But, with the week of vacation came a lot more rain! Most of the week I hung around doing nothing. I had dinner with my BFF (due with her second in Nov!) and caught up with my 'old school friends', we started elementary school together! The highlight of the week was probably spending some time with my nephew...so cute!

We had his baptism on Sunday before I went home, which was a really nice day. My brother wasn't overly impressed with his 'dress', but he looked gorgeous!


So that was vacation 2008, very sad. Now it's back to work, which has been pretty quiet, just waiting for the rush of everything come fall. we are heading to a wedding (5 hour drive, boo!) this weekend. It's DH's best friend, and he is the best man, so it should be a good time. I took Friday off since we have to be there for the rehersal Friday night, and I think I'll be taking the day to do some stuff with SIL which should be fun.

TTC news? 14dpo, waiting, AF is due tomorrow, I'm really hoping she decides to stay away, that would be amazing. I guess if she doesn't arrive tomorrow I will take a test, since some pretty heavy partying will likely happen Saturday night, I'd rather know ahead of time. Keeping my fingers crossed!

Long weekend ready!

So we finally made use of the last of our wedding gift cards last night. We went and bought a tent and sleeping bag for this weekend's camping trip. We are not 'real' campers, and we've been borrowing tents for the last few years so we decided it was time to get our own. Here's out tent.

And yes...we are the dorks with the 'double sleeping bag'!
So as usual we will arrive without supplies for anything, except our queen sized air mattress! lol Our friends that we camp with are disgusted at our camping skills, they have the Coleman stove and every campfire accessory you could ever imagine. We are just hoping for nice weather so we can spend a little time on the beach. Last year it rained and stormed both nights, so this year we have 3 nights planned and hope for at least a couple of nice days. Should be interesting!

Only 2.5 days 'til vacation! Yay!

Our 'baby girl'

I just realized that I haven't had any posts about our 'baby'. Ella was abandoned by her mom at just over 3 weeks, and so I've been her 'mom' since then. She weighed less than 1/2 lb the day we brought her home, but now she's over 4lbs! She's crazy, and bites, and scratches, but we absolutely love her, and can't imagine what we ever did without her!

When we first brought her home.

Getting Bigger!

Always being nosy!
So cute!

A visit home...aka...baby land!

A quick trip home to visit with a friend who traveled the whole length of the country turned into a crazy baby weekend. First of all, it was a truly amazing weekend of gorgeous weather in one of the most beautiful places in the world (okay maybe I'm a little biased). But really...here was my view leaving on the ferry last night, my brother and his girlfriend were sitting by the water watching me leave.
But, the view wasn't the main thing I was there to see. I'm kicking myself for not getting pictures with Jenn and her little guy Coady, but I couldn't help putting a pick of them up here anyway, he's just too cute!

How absolutely adorable are they? Jenn is a close friend from high school who moved away about 10 years ago. She has since been married and had this gorgeous baby boy, and I haven't seen her in 7 years, it was so nice to visit with them, and i hope to go visit them sometime soon too.

Next on 'baby tour 2008' was of course my wonderful 6 week old nephew Noah. He's growing so fast, and I've been so blessed to get to see him so much. My brother has been doing a great job, and I love watching him being 'Dad'.


And last but not least, my final baby visit was with by friend Ellen and her boyfriend Stephen who just last Sunday welcomed Kieran Xavier into their family. It was a quick visit with them as they were heading to their family cottage, but it was so nice to check in and see how wonderfully they were doing.
So that was my weekend! Not to mention that as I know everyone who is TTC experiences, I was being 'stalked' by pregnant women everywhere I went! lol And had a phone call on the way home of another couple we know being PG. So much fun...

First real disappointment

So I've recently found out that perfectionists (that would be me) are prone to procrastination because basically, if you don't do something, or you do it half assed you don't have to worry about screwing it up. I think that's the way I've been approaching TTC. I gave up on charting mid cycle, or didn't push when my husband wasn't 'in the mood' when knew the timing was right. But this month, this month was was different. Timing was perfect, did the temping properly, everything, and it didn't work. So now, I'm trying to find a way to convince myself that I didn't really want it. Because you know, when I want it, it will happen. (yeah right)

So last night I bought my 2-pack of FRER, and like the idiot I am, I came home and used it immediately. Knowing full well that I had drank gallons of water all day, and there was no way it would come out positive, but I did it anyway. When I went in to check the test, I would have sworn there was the faintest little beginning of a line. But you know, I had drank to much water...'insert other excuses here'. But tomorrow, when I'm really prepared it will be positive. So going to sleep I was so anxious, it took me forever to fall asleep. I couldn't believe I'd slept through the night when my alarm went off. Confident this would be it (and complete terrified that this would be it), I was shocked when it was negative again. Temp stayed up, test BFN.

Okay, so I call this whole think 'So much to be thankful for', so guess I should look at things that way too. Obviously since I'm 13dpo with no AF in sight, I have a long LP, I've been told this is a good thing, right? Also, no worrying about 'fake drinking' on our upcoming camping trip. And some more time to keep working on this whole perfectionist thing. You know, working on not being a perfectionist, brings out the perfectionist in me too. Oh boy....Let's go AF, let's get cycle 6 on the road!

Busy/Big Weekend

So weekends have become gold to us, we are literally 'working for the weekends'. It's so hard to get everything done/see everyone you want to see over the busy summer months. Saturday we drove a couple of hours to Greg's family reunion where I surprisingly was only asked why we don't have kids yet twice. Thank God for name tags, because I didn't have a clue who anyone was. It was a beautiful place though, and for the quick couple of hours we were there it wasn't too bad. Lots of cute kids, and a boat full of booze (not kidding, the boat was the cooler, should have taken a picture!)
Then we had to hop on the ferry to head to PEI. Greg had a ball tournament, but his game was rained out Saturday night, and we also were waiting on news from one of our best friends who was currently in the hospital waiting for her new baby to be born. Sunday morning we got news that her beautiful baby boy, all 9 lbs of him, was born via section at 1:30 am!
Sunday was great too, church with my parents, then off to the ball field to watch Greg. We had a picnic in the park and my brother brought my new nephew Noah to meet us! So cute. Of course he tried to make me look bad by bawling the second I touched him, but he chilled out pretty quickly. He really is a great baby.
TTC? 11dpo, temps still up, scared of a BFN...terrified of not knowing! Testing tomorrow...I think!

Catching up

Trying to keep this blog going makes me realize how boring my life is! lol I can never think of I want to write about, although I'm pretty much busy all the time. Had a great weekend, relaxed night at the movies Friday, some visiting with family and friends on Saturday. Yesterday kind of sucked because DH had to leave for a week's business trip. But my sister came by and we spent some time at the lake, which I've realized I need to do a lot more of. I live in this beautiful community surrounded by parks and lakes and I never take advantage of it. That will be a goal for the rest of the summer!

In TTC news, I got cross hairs! For the first time. They are dashed, but they are there. I guess I'll have to wait and see how the rest of the week goes, but for now I'm 4DPO. I was getting worried that I wasn't going to O before DH left, but if FF is right we timed things perfectly this month. I know that doesn't guarantee anything, but I least I know we did everything we could.

I also love now that DH (even though we don't talk about it a lot) has got the baby fever too! We were out for lunch with some friends last week when I noticed this tiny little baby. The parents' were putting her in the car as we were going to the car. I didn't think anyone else noticed. But when we were getting in the car DH said 'that's a really small baby, ...we need a big one". Shocked that he had even noticed I said "Actually a small one would be fine for me". He explained that he didn't care what size it was in the beginning, as long as it's bigger later, you know, for sports and stuff.

Ahhh, the brilliant minds of men. ( at least I'm not the only crazy one thinking about babies all the time!)

Happiness is a journey

Funny how things seem to fall into your lap sometimes. Lately I've just been seeing so much in the world around me to remind me to slow down and enjoy the moment. It doesn't hurt than my family and friends are trying to help me do the same thing. My Dad sent this to me today and I had to make sure I put it somewhere I'd always be able to find it.

Happiness is a Journey

We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then we're frustrated that the kids aren't old enough an we'll be more content when they are. After that, we're frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We'll certainly be happy when they're out of that stage. We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, are able to go on a nice vacation, when we retire. The truth is, there's no better time to be happy than right now. If no now, when? Your life will always be filled with challenges . it's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyhow. One of my favorite quotes come from Alfred Souza. He said: " For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin -- real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten throughout first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, or a debt to be paid. then life would being. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life. " This perspective has helped me to see that there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. So, treasure every moment that you have an treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time with...and remember that time waits for no one. So, stop waiting until you finish school, until you lose ten pounds, until you have kids, until your kids leave home, until you start work, until you retire, until summer, you could go on and on. You have to decide that there is no better time than right now to be happy. Happiness is a journey, not a destination. So Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like no one is watching. To find Happiness here on earth.

Canada Day '08

As we were walking to the fireworks on Tuesday night I realized that I need to keep better track of what we've been up to over our first year of marriage. Actually I'd like to continue to do it too. I was trying to think about what we did for last year's Canada Day, and that got me thinking about other holidays too. It's funny because the years are starting to kind of get blurry. This September we'll be together for 5 years, and trying to remember all those holidays is tough, so maybe through my blog, or maybe some sort of journal I'm going to do my best to record all the special occasions.

This Canada Day was really nice, laid back, and fun. I just vegged around the house for a while in the morning, 'cause G. had to work. Then I went to visit Carla at her place. We ended up going to pick up Hessian and got some ice cream, we took that down to the lake and just hung out. The sun was out and it was a beautiful night. G. came over for dinner and then we of course had to check out Neal's new Wii. We stopped into Bedford to watch the fireworks. It was a gorgeous night, perfect weather. But headed home pretty early as we had to work on Wednesday. Overall a great kick off to summer.

Welcome to the world Noah

With my complete lack of writing I wasn't able to put in up to date announcements, the biggest one being that I'm now an aunt! I've kind of been an aunt to my DH's nieces but I think there's something a little different when it's your own family. So very early on June 16th, weighing 8lbs 6oz, beautiful Noah John was born.

This is one of the hard things about living away from home. We are only 3.5 hours away, but it's a lot when I was just home for a wedding a couple of weeks ago, and we know we will be going for vacation later in the summer. So it looks like I'm going to have to wait a few more weeks to see him in person. For now I'll have to do with pictures and videos which my brother has been great at getting out to us.

Can't wait to meet him!

Time really flies...

I can't believe how much time has passed since I had a chance to write. Although I have been doing some actual journaling which has been a big part of my life lately. I've recently had a pretty hard uphill battle with anxiety and panic attacks. Looking back I can't believe that I've made it to this point, there were some scary moments, some long days and nights. But with the amazing support of family and friends I have been making some steady progress up this 'mountain' and am taking every opportunity to reflect and be thankful for the way things are going. Not 100% by any means, but I'm getting there.

The biggest support through all of this has been my Mom, I would not have made it without her, she was amazing, and continues to be. We've been talking everyday and she constantly helps me see that everything happens for a reason, so I continue to search for meaning in everything. My biggest discovery this week is that I have been looking for an end to all of this, instead I need to be looking at all of this as a process that I'm going through, and that is the reward. Learning new skills, finding appreciation for things I hadn't noticed, there are so many learning moments.

Who knows, maybe I'll even learn to blog more regularly...

Thanks Mom

Another 'season' comes to and end

So I've been looking forward to this week for quite some time. 5 whole nights...no commitments! Now there's a concept. I play/coach volleyball for lots of different groups and yesterday they finally all came to an end. I finished my Monday night league last week, along with my Thursday mini volleyball group that I coach. Then this weekend we had provincial championships for my U16 team that I coach (Mon/Tues nights plus most weekends!) So, now I just have a bunch of time to myself!
If I wasn't so sick I would probably be a lot more excited about it. I've decided to drop all the OTC meds/sprays etc. that have gotten me through the last few weeks. I was having headaches in the morning, a sort of cough medicine hangover I think, which I had to fix with an advil, so I've decided that I have to go cold turkey. Hot tea and saline solution is all I get this week, woohoo. But hopefully I'll start to feel better soon. I'm supposed to wait at least 2 more weeks before I contact my Dr. again, hopefully that won't be necessary.
Now I just have to figure out how I'm going to spend all my evenings this week. Maybe Greg will be lucky and get a home cooked meal each night...although probably not tonight. I'm already looking forward to an early night to bed!

Sick...yuck!

Ever heard of "Post viral inflammation"? Nope, me either, but apparently that is why I still feel terrible, actually worse, after 5 weeks of coughing! Well, I got a puffer and now hopefully this will fix me up before I have to go away to coach for the weekend.

Couple of days off work to rest, but I still feel exhausted. Looking forward to starting off fresh next week. I've been sick so long I kind of forget what it's like to be healthy now!

Three months! Wow

It's so hard to believe that three months have already passed since we got married. I would like to be able to keep a record of our newlywed years, and thought this might be a good way to do it. We've had a busy few months and will try to get things caught up over the next week or so, but for now, this is us, and our crazy life!

We have been together for almost 5 years now, and were married on December 28th, 2007. We have been in our house for just over 2 years, and hopefully now with all the wedding craziness out of the way we will be able to start some updates to the house.

Looking forward to keeping this updated, and being able to look back on our first year as a married couple.