Happy Halloween!

Ella and I had a fun time carving our pumpkin last night so I had to post some of her pictures. She thought it was fun to try and get the knife as it poked in and out of the pumpkin! Silly kitty.

Where did October go?

I really can't believe how quickly time is flying by. Maybe it's because I'm only actually awake for 12 hours a day (still sleeping pretty early each night), but this month has really flown by. We had a busy weekend, but it actually went pretty well. We took off Friday afternoon and headed to one of Greg's friend's places about 2 hours away. I actually started crying as we pulled up to their house because I didn't feel great and really didn't want to be puking in someone elses house. I know, pathetic, but I was just feeling tired and overwhelmed. I made it through that night and we had a nice brunch with them in the morning before we took off for a wedding, about another 1.5 hours away.

We pulled into the hotel just in time to get ready and head to the church. It was the quickest Catholic ceremony I've ever been to. Under a half hour, with communion, it was kind of crazy. We went over to a friends' place before the reception and got some great news. Friends of ours, who actually live about 2 minutes from us, are due 9 days before me! It shocked both Greg and I and neither of us said anything. I wasn't planning on telling anyone that weekend, and we didn't want to 'steal the thunder' as they say, but I can't wait to tell them. It's going to be so amazing to have someone to go through all of this with.

The dinner was nice, but the dance was pretty quiet, we ended up heading back to the hotel around 12 and had an amazing sleep, gotta love hotel beds. In the morning I actually did tell one of my best friends the news, I knew that she already knew, but had to make it official. Her husband is leaving for two months so I wanted to tell him before he left.

So, you will notice, there is no stories of puking in this whole weekend! Woohoo! I did actually make it through, which was fantastic. I did throw up at lunch time on Friday (yay for my nature walk trail), but that was it for the weekend. The new problem wasn't what was coming out, it was what wasn't coming out. I think I may have dealt with constipation 1 or 2 times in my whole life, and nothing like this! Now I've been going hard core for fruits and veggies, and drinking hot water and lemon like it's going out of style. Seems so be helping, but now I'm just wondering what's next? Seems like it just flows one thing into the next.

The big thing I'm hoping for is to get some energy back. Still pretty tired most of the time. Eating has been fairly good, gained 1 lb back, so -4lbs now. Our next appointment, where we'll try and hear the heart beat with the doppler is going to be early next week, very excited for that. I don't think DH actually believes this is really happening sometimes, and hopefully that will help.

9w3d - Our cute little kumquat!

Feeling human...

I hate to actually put this in writing, because I know it can change in an instance, but I actually felt somewhat human this morning. I'll probably end up throwing up by the time I finish writing this entry, but I figured I should probably write about the positives along with the negatives. This past weekend was pretty good. We went curling Friday night, which was okay, I puked pretty bad before we left, so I was kind of light headed most of the time, but DH went and got me some water which helped, and we didn't stick around too long after, which is good, because I went home and puked for another while before going to bed.

Saturday we took things pretty easy, seeing as my car was in the shop I didn't have the chance to do a whole lot. You gotta love going to bed at 8:30 on a Saturday night! lol Sunday went to church, and then went to drop off a birthday present to our niece. They were on their way out to another birthday party so we went over to our friends' house and I went to a movie with my girlfriend while DH stayed and watched some football. (my God that popcorn was good!)
I didn't play volleyball Sunday night, or last night. I just don't think I have the energy to play for 2 hours straight right now. And if I have to throw up in the middle of a game, it just wouldn't be pretty. So I've booked off last weekend and the one coming up. I'll see how I feel after this weekend, and if I'm up to it I'll go back and play a couple more weeks before I tell everyone that I'm going to be out for the rest of the year.

Still pretty tired, bed between 8-9, although I do feel a little more rested in the mornings. Throwing up has become an every other day thing, more than an everyday thing, and I have been able to eat supper. God bless DH for making dinner for me, last night was soooo good! Haven't been as nauseous at work, but still have my moments. Clothes seem to be fitting okay, I've pulled out the old elastic a couple of afternoons, but the bloating seems to be a little more under control now. Weight? According to my scale at home I'm -5lbs, although I'm not puking as much I just don't seem to be able to eat as big portions anymore, now that I'm feeling a little better (knock on wood) I'm going to have to focus on getting some better quality food into me instead of just whatever works.

8w3d - Little one is the size of a wedding ring, that's a lot of growing!

So that's a month

So 4 weeks ago today I found out I was pregnant, time really does fly, although watching the days go by it seems like time is sometimes standing still. Last week was a challenge, and I'm not gonna lie, it's by no means a walk in the park right now, but it is a little better. Big things that have helped?

1.Amazing DH! He has been so much help. Earlier this year when I had some issues with anxiety he just didn't get it, it actually made me worried that he wouldn't be that great during this time. But I think this time, because pregnancy is such a tangible thing for him he's really able to 'get me'. He has cleaned up my puke (huge deal for him), cooks for me, and the best thing, just stayed home with me all weekend, not pressuring me to do anything, while I rested.

2. Support from my mom. This goes without saying, but she has been great and I don't know what I would do without her.

3. My skills for dealing with anxiety. I know everything happens for a reason, and as horrible as things were for me in the spring, I know they were just preparing me for this next 'battle' in my life. Having the option of visiting my psychologist who I have a great relationship is nice and gives me a place to express my fears without feeling judged.

4. Telling my boss. Just did this yesterday, but it's like a weight has been lifted and I don't have to try and pretend now, and can ask for help when I need it.

Not eating anywhere near a regular diet, but trying to eat as much as possible, without getting sick/bloated, while eating regularly so I don't end up starving/nauseous. Quite the balancing act. No pics this week, don't think that will be necessary for a while, regular pants still fitting quite well thankfully. Just keep on surviving, 1 day, 1 hour, 1 moment at a time.

7w4d - Little one will be the size of a kidney bean this week.

Here we go...

So my fears have been realized, m/s has arrived. I went to my first official pre natal visit on Monday. Had all the details taken care of, lots of questions, pee in a cup, weight and all that stuff. She said, don't suffer, there are things we have to help with m/s. I thought to myself, nice to know, but am not going to worry about it too much. Well if I had of had an appointment 20 minutes later I may have been asking for the stuff!
When I got home I ate okay, but felt pretty crappy the rest of the night. Then I didn't sleep at all that night, just really anxious and fidgety. So I took the day off on Tuesday, which looking back may not have been the best idea. I cried and panicked most of the morning, and then slept through the whole afternoon. I did my best to get cleaned up and get dinner ready for when DH arrived home. When I tried to eat the pasta I had made for supper I threw up all over the coffee table, I didn't even have time to stand up. God bless DH who cleaned it up while I was dry heaving upstairs in the bathroom. That just sent me into a tailspin and I was panicky and sick the rest of the night.
I was planning on waiting until this weekend to tell my parents, but I needed to talk to someone so I called my mom and filled her in on the details. It didn't really help me all that much, but I agreed that I would go to work yesterday regardless, which I did, even though I didn't sleep at all. I actually woke up shaking, DH grabbed on to me and wouldn't let me go even though I struggled, until I stopped and calmed down. He's been amazing.
So yesterday I got some great advice from ladies on the nest, went for a walk at lunch time, and then had a mid afternoon meeting which meant I could go home a little early. So I survived the day. I went home and tried to lay down, ended up running back upstairs to throw up, and then slept for 45 minutes before DH got home. I had some cup a soup for supper (so exciting) and just took it easy for the rest of the night.
Sleep was much better, but I still felt pretty sketchy this morning. I'm currently trying to calm my stomach with multigrain cheerios and water, and praying that I make it though another day. I'll probably contact the Dr. if the puking continues tonight. I've already lost a few pounds this week and don't want to see that continue.

Exhausted, starving, spinning...so much fun 6w4d

6 Weeks

Ahh...my little bloat baby...lol This is morning bloat, you don't even want to know what I look like by 6pm!

Sick, or just scared?

So I'm not sure if I'm actually dealing with m/s, or if I'm just scared of dealing with morning sickness. I know I'm tired, I've been going to bed at 8:30 most nights and am out cold before my head hits the pillow. This is very strange for me. I usually go to bed and spend at least 1 hour trying to get to sleep, no matter how tired I am. But with the sickness I feel like I'm constantly just waiting to see what happens. Anyway, so far I have not actually gotten sick, but I'm often feeling a little off.

I have continued to play volleyball, I actually played in a full day tournament on Saturday. I felt a little sketchy at some points, but I think a lot of it has to do with what I'm eating. I'm trying to eat healthy, but if I eat too much I get really bloated ( which this weekend I discovered does not go well with my spandex volleyball shorts...ouch!), so I end up not eating enough and then getting light headed, not good. Last night at my regular league game I felt like crap most of the night, it sucked. Plus when I found out two other girls are still playing and are passed 3 months already it made me feel like I should just suck it up. But if I keep feeling the way I did last night I don't think I'll be playing that long. We'll see.

DH is really starting to 'get' things. When I didn't feel like eating the other night, he asked if I wanted him to make me soup. And I get some extra pats on the back or hugs and kisses that I wouldn't normally get, so it's nice to know he's catching on. I already told my best friend (the only person I've told IRL), so he told his best friend on Friday, and I think that made him a little more excited.

I'm started to freak out about the cost of this whole deal. I'll be taking the full year off once the baby is born (yay Canada!), and we basically get the equivalent of what you would get if you were on unemployment, I think it works out to about 60% of your wages (up to a certain cap). Although that is fantastic, and I'm very grateful for it, I'm still nervous as right now there isn't a lot of money left at the end of each month. I think we are going to set up an appointment with an accountant this month to straighten things out, and hopefully that will but my mind at ease a bit.

So that's about it. I'm heading for my first 'prenatal' visit today. She said it would take about 1/2 hour, not sure what we'll be doing for that long, but I'll report on the later.

6w2d - By the end of this week the little one will be the size of a blueberry!