Holding my breath

So I have this sensation of just waiting, I know that if m/s is going to come there is nothing I can do about it, but every time I smell something gross, or eat something different I half gag and wonder if that's a normal gag or a m/s gag. One of my main concerns is that I have had issues with anxiety in the past, and my anxiety comes along with lovely nausea. So I don't know if I'm just nervous/anxious, and that's causing me to be nauseous or if I actually am. I know I'm over thinking this, but that's me.

As for how I'm actually doing, things seem to be okay. I had my first appointment with my Dr. last week, as always she was great, asked if i had any questions. I checked on playing volleyball which she said was fine as long as i was up for it. So I'll continue with that until I just don't feel comfortable anymore (aiming for mid November at least) Then she told me that I can come back in for a 1/2 hour appointment sometime over the next couple of weeks (note to self, make that appointment) and then in the 10th week I can come in to see if we can hear the heart beat! Crazy, that just made it all seem a lot more real.

I promised myself I was going to be good with taking belly pics, I think right now I'm in denial that I need to take a 'before' picture yet. But I should probably get on that pretty soon before baby bloat takes over. Right now it's only bad in the evenings, which is good because I can put my pj's on and not cut off circulation like some of my pants do!

5w2d - Baby would fit into one frame of and 8mm film strip

Our little secret

So I survived my first weekend without too much worry. I was a little stressed last night playing volleyball, I know everyone has been told that they can play until 2nd trimester, some Dr.'s have even told girls they can play until they are showing, but I was still nervous.

Another source of stress is that DH has left for work for the week, so it's just me and Ella holding down the fort. I didn't do a lot all weekend, we hung around the house so DH could get all his laundry and everything done for his trip on Saturday. Then Sunday he left at 4:30am so that threw me off a little bit. I got up and went to church, did some laundry and went to get some groceries, then I had volleyball last night. I guess I"m probably going to have to tell people a little earlier than I thought since I'll have to back out of volleyball, and my team will need to find someone to replace me. Once I talk to my Dr. this week I'll figure out exactly how long I should be playing.

Symptoms so far? Well, I was better yesterday, but Fri/Sat I had the worst bloat, I had to massage my stomach for a while when I went to bed because it hurt so bad. I'm thinking doing some yoga may help with that so I'm going to check out the classes at my gym this week and see when I can go. Other than that I haven't felt anything else yet, which I'm grateful for.

My parents are going to come visit this weekend so I think we'll probably tell them then, although if I'm still feeling well I may wait a little longer. I kind of like having it as a secret between DH and I, and although I will tell them to keep it a secret from the rest of the family I'm not quite sure how that will work.

Feeling great today, hope this keeps up!

4w2d - Little one is the size of a cucumber seed

Wow! BFP!

After having the early m/c last month, I really didn't think it would happen this quickly, but I'm so happy that it did. We are Pregnant! Wow, that is crazy to even think, let alone put down in writing.

I promised myself I wouldn't test yesterday unless my temp went up, it stayed the same. So when I got up I didn't test. But I had a job interview yesterday morning, so I went to that, and when I got home I couldn't stop thinking about it, so I tested and got a +. I didn't really believe it and didn't tell anyone, even DH, went to work, and lurked here, but couldn't even bring myself to post.

I got home late last night after work and went to take a CBE, and it was confirmed. We are really excited but nervous/cautious because of last time. Now we are just hoping and praying that this is a sticky baby.

3w5d-Apparently the little one is smaller than a grain of rice.

Once again...we wait

So the blood work came back normal and there's no need to delay anything. Which is good, since we had some pretty good timing this month already. And here we sit again in the 2WW. I just found out the DH is going to have to start scheduling his travel for work soon, so I am going to stay very positive about the cycle. If we are pg this time we won't have to worry about his travel throwing things off in the future.

No phantom symptoms really. I think the fact that last month I had no symptoms, probably because I wasn't looking for them (we had terrible timing) and that resulted in a BFP, so hopefully that will keep me from reading into things too much.

I'm excited that it's the fall so I'll be getting back into my regular activities. Volleyball starts this weekend with a tournament as well as my regular league on Sunday night. Hopefully I won't be participating in that much longer, but we'll see how it goes. And tonight is our second night of our 'Learn to Curl' session. We signed up for a co ed curling league with another couple and are taking some lessons now so that we are ready to go. It's going to be hilarious!

That's all, nothing too exciting. Just looking forward to trying to avoid that stockpile of HPT under my sink...I will not test early....I will not test early....

Not too early anyway!

Ready to move forward

So the week wasn't all that bad, having a long weekend in there made things a little easier too. Last week I just went about life as normal and then did my best to stay positive. I did find myself getting a little low every once in a while, but was able to pull myself out of it. We had a pretty great weekend. A wedding for DH's cousin on Saturday, but other than that we did a whole lot of nothing. I went to visit my sister's new place and went to see Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants last night. Yes, I'm a dork and have read all the books so I was really looking forward to seeing it. It was cute, and just what I needed, something mindless.

So I went to talk to my GP today, and she was great, very comforting and not at all cold about my whole situation. I think I've actually been trying to down play the whole thing. I've only talked to one other person IRL about the situation, and was really trying to avoid using the 'm' word. When she used it this morning, it kind of hit me that I haven't been using it at all, but that's what happened. It was a miscarriage, there I said it. I had to go have blood taken afterwords, hopefully the hcg levels have already returned to normal, I'm assuming from my chart that they have, as everything seems to be progressing as usual, but better safe than sorry I guess.

So, now I think I've accepted it a bit more, I have considered that I should probably talk to more people about it, but I feel that DH has been a good support and is open to talking about things, so it's not like I have no one to turn to. So for right now, sitting at CD11, and hoping to O this week, things are okay. I'm trying not to get my hopes up too high, chances of getting another BFP this month are probably slim to none. But, there's no reason it couldn't be the one for us either. So a positive attitude can't hurt.